The Courtyard’s Zombie Apocalypse Emergency Response Plan

With Halloween coming up, it’s best to be prepared for all scenarios… including a Zombie Apocalypse!


If you find yourself visiting The Courtyard when a Zombie Apocalypse begins, don’t you worry, we’ve got everything planned out!


Chain of command – Leadership will fall to The Courtyard’s Leadership Team depending on survival. In the scenario all have fallen, responsibility falls to Marketing Assistant Ethan, who can best quote Shaun of the Dead and is therefore qualified to lead the group to prosperity. In the scenario that Ethan has fallen, a Lord of the Flies type scenario will ensue.

Hiding spot – All attendees will be gathered in The Pit below the main house and backstage dressing rooms due to code locked doors and access to backstage stairwell to move around. The Green Room is also secure, however it will have already been barricaded up by Orchestra of the Swan. In the scenario a Front of House member becomes a Zombie and remembers the codes, evacuate to the roof where we will live off bee’s honey and rearrange the solar panels to read HELP in a last-ditch effort.

Food – Kitchen and Café Bar staff will be responsible for bringing all food to The Pit where quiche and salads will be rationed for the foreseeable future. A team will be formed to raid Waitrose and Beefy Boys for additional supplies. Fingers crossed this all happens in the morning, so we’ll have a few croissants as well!

Security – The technical team will oversee securing spaces by barricading doorways with old Panto props and cables. Stage lighting will be used to blind zombies in narrow spaces. Pyrotechnics from Jane Eyre will also be used as a deterrent. Associate Director David Durant will train survivors in stage combat before eventually being eaten due to faking all his stabs… he will not be forgotten.

Survivors – We can all agree, nobody likes the person who hides their zombie bite. If you do so, you will be dealt with accordingly! Inevitably cinephiles and theatre fans will divide due to bickering. Despite their knowledge, the cinephiles will likely fall first due to a lack of productivity. Testing of a cure will take place with a variety of cleaning products and all the scientific information taken from I Am Legend.

Entertainment – Amateur productions of Night of the Living Dead and Zombieland will be performed alongside a Youth Theatre production of Resident Evil. The Box Office staff will not be providing refunds. If you don’t like it, you’re welcome to leave. Educational courses will continue as planned with some adjustments including: Fit4Double-Tap and Zomba… we all have to keep fit!


Thank you for reading, if you have any questions, feel free to silently keep them to yourself until after the apocalypse has begun.